WWF send off @ The Zodiac Lounge It seems like yesterday when a very beautiful but slightly self-conscious young lady named Nicole stepped into Slam City Pro Wrestling School. At the time she was only interested in becoming a valet, little did we know that there were the makings of a Superstar standing before us. Flash forward two years, and we are planning a going away party for Nikita (formerly Nicole), one of the finest female wrestlers I've ever had the pleasure of working with. The very same trembling girl that I once stood back stage with at a small local show, reassuring her that she would do fine, was on her way to the W.W.F. ! Don't get me wrong; I had no part in her metamorphosis, none whatsoever, but I was afforded the rare privilege of watching it take place, a privilege that I will always be grateful for. While doing research to find just the right place for the party, I happened upon The Zodiac Lounge. I sat down at the bar and was greeted by the bartender Chad who offered me a menu. I decided to try both the grilled lamb and chicken kabobs, partly because Chad suggested them, but mostly because they contain the name Bob and that's always a good thing. The chicken came skewered with tomato, bell pepper, and onion on a bed of Basmati rice. The lamb was served with the same but also had a mango sauce. They were both grilled to perfection! The mango sauce was so good I even licked my plate! I had pretty much decided that this would be the place when Chad suggested something that was almost a deal breaker, he offered me their made-from-scratch baba ghanouj and falafel. My only knowledge of baba ghanouj was some distant sub-reference from Tom Robbins' Skinny Legs And All , so no foul there. But having covered my falafel prejudices in previous articles, you can guess I was, to say the least, taken aback. He was persistent enough to convince me to try the stuff though, and in a few minutes there were both of the culinary culprits sitting before me. I reluctantly tasted them, bracing myself for impending doom like a vampire watching the sunrise. They weren't bad, not bad at all, actually they were really good! I gobbled up the last of both plates and headed off to write what was to be my final review. That's right folks, watching Nikita's rise to stardom has inspired me to return to the ring. So I'm off to Florida at the end of the month, back to the bright lights and screaming fans. This brings us to the forthcoming contest for the replacement of the infamous Tattooed Food Critic . I have had quite a few offers, but none so entertaining as the one from of our very own staff member Trip --wanting to wrestle me for it. See, Trip has been trying to get me to wrestle him ever since he hired on. When I try to get a donut he hovers over the box, if I'm trying to make copies he'll guard the copy machine or when I reach for the bathroom key he grabs it and with the same maniacal grin every time says, "wrestle ya for it." Poor misguided Trip, sitting in his trailer watching Raw on his portable TV thinking "some day, some day." Well, Tripster, the day has come, so wipe the pork-n-beans off your face and start eating your Wheaties. I'll meet you in the squared circle and we will see if those backyard moves you've been practicing on your little sister will do ya any good. I'll even pay for a couple weeks of training with Dan "Magnum Man," Magnus at Slam City to get ya ready. Just think --when you are in traction, listening to your respirator and watching thousands of fans screaming for me you can say (more like groan), "I wrestled him for it." (More like GOT wrestled BY him.) As for my readers, thank you all for enduring the never-ending river of literary psychosis that I have subjected you to over the last two years. It has been both elating and therapeutic and I am forever in your debt. Moreover, thanks to the Go-Go staff, many of which I have driven to alcoholism and/or insanity, without whose tireless hours of editing I would not have been able to express so much as a lucid thought. In my many professions over the years, whether tattoo artist, radio DJ, wrestler, actor or writer, the only way I have ever achieved notoriety is by being allowed to stand on the shoulders of giants. All Rights Reserved © 2001 Go-Go Media, LLC