LADY LOVE @ MAIN STREET RESTAURANT Valentine's Day comes once a year, beckoning to our more sensitive, caring side. Or in the case of most men, our more sensible side-- sensible because if we don't pony up now, we pay big later. Anyway, be it out of sentiment or fear, so it must be, and away we march to the candy or flower store, only to arrive back home to a somewhat disappointed but nonetheless grateful lady. Here we have an illustration of the definitive difference we men experience when it comes to vocabulary. We are right when assuming sentiment requires thinking, but if remembering the date and stopping by the store on the way home from work is where you stop, then there's potential for hazard! See, in the female vocabulary, the same term 'sentiment' means there is a little more thinking-- or "plotting" if you prefer-- involved. The woman is a wily creature, and although some are easily captured, many wriggle loose of your snare in no time if you don't do your homework (or in some instances housework). And what is the deal with a holiday all about romance named after a guy who was a monk or something? I mean, come on, there's this guy who is all salty about everyone but him getting laid! So he comes up with some angle to mess up other guys' chances by complicating the courtship process! Then a few hundred years later it falls on my shoulders to bail mankind out! So here I am again saving the day. Man, if I keep this up, I'll be wearing a cape and prancing around in my underwear! (No, that's not a Valentine's suggestion, but if you're willing, God love ya for it.) So I set a budget of $100. (Oh come on ... some of you spend more than that on porn.) Now I could just go buy a bucket of chocolates and a bushel of roses, but although extravagance does make an impression, it's still not sentiment, so no cookie. Sentiment takes a little more research-- that's right pal, a little digging! You've got to figure out what she likes ... maybe something that reminds her of better times (you know, before you came along). I knew Amie used to ride horses when she was little, so I called around until I found a place that offered a little more than your average trail ride. Van Eden Ranch in Idaho Springs has guided horse tours for $25 an hour per person, so I made a reservation for 1 pm Then I called around in Idaho Springs to see who served the best eggs benedict (her favorite breakfast). That's how I found the Main Street Restaurant. Keeping it all under my hat we just headed out toward our secret destination. Once we stopped for breakfast I copped to the fact that I'd called ahead for the breakfast plan but still kept the rest of the day under wraps. We went ahead and ordered. I had some big breakfast plate: six eggs, a pile o' potatoes, and, now dig this, chicken apple sausage! Yeah, I know it sounds weird but it rocked! Plenty of food even for my massive appetite. Her eggs benedict were, and I quote, "The best I've ever had." The great food accompanied with very good service and a groovy mountain ambiance gave the morning a great start. We managed to get out of there for about $27 and still had time to wander around town before it was time to saddle up. As we were taking in the sights, the effects of our big meal started kicking in, making us both a little groggy, so we stopped into a little coffee shop just down from the restaurant, Java Mountain Roasters. This place had the best mocha I have ever wrapped my mouth around! There were even little chunks of chocolate in the bottom. Yeah, I know I put a pretty harsh rap on the whole foo-foo coffee drink scene, but this was a foo-foo kind of day, so when in Rome.... We wandered around a little more, then headed up to the ranch. About halfway there Amie snapped to the rest of the plan, so by the time we actually arrived she was pretty excited. Our guide Victoria picked out a couple of horses, commenting on how both of these horses had "good butts" and how you can figure a horse's demeanor by its butt. No really, she said, "If a horse has a perky butt it's a happy horse; if it has a saggy butt it's a grumpy one!" Hey man, how would I know? Amie got a spirited sleek young mare and I was given a Belgian behemoth of a beast (obviously a parallel between horse and rider there). Now, mind you I have not, am not, nor ever will be a rider, but this wasn't about me, so saddle up I did and off we rode. Every time my horse decided it wanted to do anything more than walk I just about panicked, but I managed to keep her slowed down most of the time. Amie rode up ahead and galloped a bit, while the guide and I stayed back. All in all she had a ball and, although I spent a lot of time cussing at my horse and praying a bit, I had a pretty good time, too. It was well worth the $50 to see the kid come out in Amie and it was a great way to spend Valentine's Day, backed by snow covered mountains, framed by pine trees, under a clear blue sky ... kind of a Marlboro country trip. So by now you've probably realized, this was in the true nature of Valentine's Day, but with a new twist: it was a chance for me to complicate the courtship procedure for all of you who have been getting by on the bare minimum. Now you've got to try a little harder or you'll hear, "But look what Bobby did for Amie," or, "Why can't you be more like Bobby?" Suck it up, fellas. At least I hipped you to a $100 getaway day you can spend with your honey, and who knows, maybe she'll like you a little more for it. The up side is, the more nice stuff you do for her, the more stupid stuff you can get away with. That's the true method to the madness! All Rights Reserved © 2001 Go-Go Media, LLC