Sauced @Swiss Haven It all started when I got a call from the shop telling me that I had received a package of unknown origin and was asked to come pick it up. Between my usual paranoid state of mind and the current state of affairs with the mail, I was immediately creeped out. But curiosity got the best of me. Once I arrived, I was directed to the back of the shop where the package sat waiting. It was a little smaller than a shoebox, wrapped in plain brown paper with my name and address handwritten on it. My heart began to race. I had no idea what kind of awful fate awaited me inside that box, but I was certain this wasn't going to end well. I knew I had to evacuate the building, but I didn't want to start a mass panic. Thinking quickly I looked out the front door and shouted to everyone that there were a bunch of people having sex in the street. After they had all run out to see the nonexistent love fest, I locked the door and headed for the package. I donned a pair of rubber gloves and a paint filter mask. Then I fashioned a makeshift HazMat suit from garbage bags and duct tape. I felt the sweat beading up on my forehead as I approached the ominous parcel armed with a set of body piercing forceps and an Exacto knife. My hands trembled slightly as I methodically removed the paper obscuring the box. I was wondering what form of biological terror could lie within when I accidentally turned it over spilling its contents onto the floor. As I dove under a nearby table I heard the strangest sound, it sounded like a "Moo!" I peeked out from under the table to see what had made the noise; it was one of those little cans that when you turn it over it makes a sound like a cow. On further investigation I found it was accompanied by a piece of Swiss cheese, a piece of chocolate and a note that read: "Turn can over, eat cheese, eat chocolate and stay tuned for the true Swiss experience." The terrorist plot turned out to be a promo kit from a Swiss restaurant! I suddenly remembered that the staff and customers of the shop were locked out so I went to let them in. Again thinking quickly, I explained that in Switzerland today is Luffinflarn and is much like the American April fools day-- then made my hasty exit. Everything I know about Swiss food comes from a box, you know Swedish meatball mix, Swiss Miss cocoa, etc. Although I don't usually respond to promo invites, I decided to check this place out. It turned out to be a real class act, everything you see in the movies: big bells hanging from vaulted ceilings, a fireplace adorned with various dried mountain fauna -- everything except clog dancers! I let the owner run me through the menu rather than pretend to know what any of this stuff was. I started with the house fondue, which consisted of two cheeses I couldn't pronounce. But the kick in the fondue was the Kirsch (the Swiss answer to Ever Clear). The way this works is you dip your fondudle thing (bread, fruit etc.) in the booze then in the melted cheese. What makes this cool is it takes the bite out of the cheese and you get lit in the process! That's right, LIT! All Rights Reserved © 2001 Go-Go Media, LLC