The Greek Way @ ILIOS Even though I don't always have the best food on these things, I always learn something new and interesting. Ilios is a Greek word. It means sun. There is your education for the day, now on to the restaurant review. I was at first cheered by the purple and green Mediterranean decor, but after only a few minutes, I felt like I was having lunch at the Joker's secret headquarters. As an appetizer I had Saganaki and Dolomades with lemon aioli. Dolomades are just very creepy little rice piles (heh heh) rolled in grape leaves. Their cylindrical shape (huh huh) and the fact that they were soaked in oil (awww yeah, nice and slippery) made them easy to wash down. Saganaki is the flaming cheese (heh heh) which was put out with lemon. It was basically just some mozzarella battered with bread crumbs and sesame seeds ... still an extremely weird little dish. I had to try it, because when I think Greek, I don't just think food, baby, aww yeah! Things took a turn for the worse when my main course arrived. I had the Chicken Souvlaki Sandwhich this poor chicken had obviously been abused before its demise, maybe not nessessarily in a Greek (heh heh) manner, but traumatized and left tough and dry. Theres a reason they call it fowl. Skipping quickly to dessert, I tried the Apple Baklava. The desserts were just nouveau names hiding run of the mill dishes. Mine was brown and semi-firm, a little warmer than the room ... a common thread is appearing here ... Speaking of threads, the service gave me a little cause for concern, too. Upon showing the dessert tray, there seemed to be large chunks of mayonnaise on my waiter's hand. Maybe it was mayonnaise, maybe it wasn't ... and maybe this was the mad chicken accoster that had taught my lunch the more subtle meaning of Greek. My head began to reel, the sub-tle pornographic undertones, the creepy texture and apearance of so many of the dishes, the flagrant chicken abuse ... then through the vaseline-covered lens of my mind's eye came one final image: a chicken in a teddy ... cuddling with a hairy waiter ... in a thong ... sharing a cig-arette ... and then I lost consciousness. The crowd is strictly downtown variety sprinkled with some bizarre tourist-look-ing creatures, possibly Carnies. You know the type small hands, smell like cabbage. The space was definitely built for the business rush. Ilios weakly tries to incorporate some culinary flair into its Mediterranean style (keyword tries), but considering the price, it's not a bad com-promise as long as you stay away from all creatures small and feathery, or large and furry for that matter. Unless you're into that kind of thing, far be it for me to judge. There was this one time I vaguely remem-ber ... it was summer, Fire Island, too much champagne ... uh, never mind. All Rights Reserved © 2001 Go-Go Media, LLC